Massive Wangs "Appealing" to Pope

Former computer giant, Wang Computers has victoriously re-emerged after more than a decade of silence to snatch one of the juiciest plums in the IT world, the Vatican.

When the Vatican recently announced it's intention to become the first entirely wireless country, Wang was among the few companies invited to bid. They won. "It's a huge undertaking." said Fred Wang, Dr. Wang's son and former president of Wang Labs. "But we're getting a lot of help from within the Vatican itself. The priesthood especially is excited about us. They really love Wang."

Father Doitmals, a Vatican spokesman, elaborated. "You must understand, most of the Wangs we priests get our hands on are about ten years old, and quite small. We're all excited about the size and power of these new Wangs. You should see his Holiness' Wang, it'll put the fear of God into you!"

Fred Wang explained the security features of these fearsome, sturdy Wangs. "The integrated security features of the Wang are fabulous, while allowing each parisioner and citizen to have their own account, all priests are given a smooth rear-entrance to use only in confessional. Obviously, infection is a concern whenever there's frequent rear access -especially with multiple users. Never fear though, with multiple layers of protection and authorization, we've guaranteed the Vatican the tightest back-doors around!"

Wang's successful bid for the Vatican's new massive mainframe, however had other bidders crying foul.

In response to the accusations of 'shady, under-the-pulpet dealings', the Pope's rebuttal came with agonizingly slowness. "This is nonsense!" the Pope finally ejaculated,"It's a well-known fact that the Catholic priesthood has a long-standing predilection for smaller Wangs for personal use. A massive Wang is merely the next logical step."

"The new mainframe is truly a one of a kind. The Vatican insisted on 'massaging' the system specs until it was rock-solid."says Wang. "It was a really pleasurable experience to watch these guys handle a Wang. They're pros.

Finally, after 2 years of planning, on May 1st of this year Wang consumated the deal. At three in the afternoon, the mainframe arrived. Four large men, grunting and sweating with effort, wrestled the giant Wang deep into the bowels of the Vatican. Its installation was met with an audible sigh of relief from the assembled clergy, a truly immaculate reception. In an unusual show of trust, Wang agreed to let the Vatican accept the delivery orally, without so much as a handshake from Wang's head of solicitors.

It would seem that Wang's seed has been sown for a long, profitable relationship with the Catholic church. Hoping to capture more of the religious market, Wang has solicited several religious leaders in an attempt to entice them into grabbing their own Wangs.In a final note, a similar deal for large Wangs was cut short by the Jewish Council of Elders.